Sonic the hedgehog corrupts our world's youth, one innocent mind at a time.

"I always knew that hedgehog would be up to no good!"

A 6-year-old kid from Norway named Christer decided his name did not properly reflect some of his personality quirks such as his sarcastic tone of voice when speaking to doctors, penchant for running around at break-neck speeds, sharp wit, spiky blue fur, befriendment of 2-tailed foxes and echidnas, sense of urgency to free woodland creatures from their robot bodies and an odd obsession with chili dogs. So, to correct this miscarriage of justice, he decided to write a letter to the King of Norway to plead that his name be changed to something more suitable of his extraordinary attributes. Something along the lines of "Sonic X" perhaps?

The King respectfully declined the child's request based on the fact that you must be at least 18 years of age to legally change your name and also to spare the child from a lifetime addiction to furry porn.

On the upside for Christer, SEGA has reportedly contacted the Norwegian newspaper that ran the story to send him some Sonic furry porn periphernalia.

Link: 6-year-old asks Norwegian King's permission to be named Sonic X

My unhealthy relationship with women in the industry

I've found Jessica Chobot of IGN.com perplexingly hot for some time now, and despite her rather baritone voice I still find her full of sex life. So every Friday when "Inside Xbox" on Xbox Live updates their IGN Insider strategies episode, featuring our very lovely Jessica here, I tend to watch, regardless of what game they cover. By "watch" I mean watch for the first minute when Jessica's on-screen with my pants around my ankles then promptly turn it off when it gets to the actual strategy talk and no longer shows her.



It's like softcore porn every Friday for me.

Yeah... I'm a perv...

Best Buy stimulates economy by offering gamers an opportunity to stay home and spend less money on the economy.

One of North America's few remaining electronics giants, Best Buy, is having a MASSIVE $10 sale on a GRIP of games spanning nearly all platforms. Starting April 26th 2009, you will find yours truly diving into the bargain bins of his local Best Buy trying to dig gold amongst the inevitable mounds of crap games. The list of bargain games below is courtesy of Cheapassgamer.com

PS3:
007: Quantum of Solace
Blitz 2
Bolt
Bourne Conspiracy
Cliver Barker's Jericho
Disney Sing It w/Mic
Enemy Territory: Quake Wars
Ferrari Challenge
Fracture
Guitar Hero 3
Guitar Hero Aerosmith
Hail to the Chimp
Lost Planet: Extreme Conditions
MLB 08: The Show
NBA Ballers Chosen One
NFL Head Coach
NFL Tour
Overlord: Raising Hell
Pure
Rock Band
Rock Revolution
Singstar ABBA
Singstar Vol 2
Soul Calibur 4
TNA Impact

360:
007 Quantum of Solace
Alone in the Dark
Blitz 2
Bolt
Bourne Conspiracy
C&C 3: Kanes Wrath
C&C: Red Alert 3
Clive Barkers Jericho
Condemned 2
Devil May Cry 4
Enemy Territory Quake Wars
Fracture
Golden Compass
Hellboy
Infinite Undiscovery
NBA Ballers Chosen One
NFL Head Coach 09
NFL Tour
NHL 2k9
Operation Darkness
Pure
Ratatouie
Rock Revolution
Silent Hill: Homecoming
Solder of Fortune 3
Soul Calibur 4
Spiderwick Chronicles
TNA Impact
Too Human
Turning Point
Turok
Universe at War
Unreal Tournament 3
Wall-E
Warhammer Battle March
WWE 2008

Wii:
BATTLE OF THE BANDS
NAKED BROTHERS BAND W/MICR
PETZ CRAZY MONKEYZ
Popstar Guitar
RUBIKS WORLD
SAMBA DE AMIGO
TALES OF DESPERAUX
THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR

PS2:
Bolt
Dancing with the Stars
Disney's High School Muiscal (It ends there, so I'm not sure if it's 2 or what)
Disney Sing It w/ Microphones
High School Musical 3 (Two versions are listed??)
Monster Lab
Naked Brothers Band w/microphone
Shrek's Carnival Craze
Singstar Country Bundle
The Golden Compass
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
Think Fast with controllers

DS:
Cheetah Girls: Passport
Disney: Cory in the House
Energy Dance Squad
Engergy Gym rockets
Igor
Imagine Ballet Star
Imagine Movie Star
Imagine Rock Star
Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon
My Fashion Studio
Naked Bros Band
Neopets
Ninja Gaiden: DS
Ninja Reflex
Petz Rescue Endangered
Prince of Persia
Quantum of Solace
Rock Revolution
Tales of Desperaux
Tecmo Bowl
Ultimate Band
WWE 2009 Smackdown

Just from that list alone I KNOW I'll be getting Bourne Conspiracy(cuz I wanna know what happens after Ultimatum) and Silent Hill(cuz I'm a fan of the series) for the Xbox360 (also because they're supposedly pretty moderate 1000's. Yes, I'm an achievement whore like that).

Link: Cheapassgamer.com

Apparently, in videogame company logic, adding "Lego" to a franchise makes it better

So Harmonix had a press release today that confirms that Lego Rock Band is being developed. The game's demographic appears to be the teen and tweens market and will feature songs such as: Blur's "Song 2", Carl Douglas' "Kung Fu Fighting", Europe's "The Final Countdown", Good Charlotte's "Boys and Girls" and Pink's "So What".

Uh... huh... how does having Lego block characters enhance the experience of playing Rock Band? I can understand putting established story-based franchises like Batman, Star Wars and Indiana Jones in a Lego environment puts a new twist to how their stories are told, but Rock Band? Really? Am I really THAT out of touch with "casual gamers"?

Link: Lego Rock Band Yes, really.

Broken Steel; Fallout 3's 3rd and last DLC breaks game's ending on May 5

Bethesda has gone ahead and revealed some info on their newest and last Xbox 360 and PC DLC for Fallout 3, called "Broken Steel". PS3 owners, as with the first 2 DLCs and nearly every other DLC for every multiplatform game, are SKAH-REWED since it won't be released for their platform. The new DLC will apparently take out the ending of the game altogether since the storyline for it will start about 2 weeks after the events of the final quest in the main storyline. The DLC also tweaks some events that occur leading up to the main storyline's climax, such as being able to send one of several of your companions to complete the final task of the game, instead of doing it yourself.

Now I feel KINDA bad for going along with President Eden's plans about inputting the modified FEV virus into the Project Purity tank and killing off all the Ghouls and Supermutants since my main motivation for doing so was because Fawkes refused to initiate Project Purity full-knowing that he can survive the radiation it'll give off, and that if *I* did it I would end up dead. So I said "Fuck you and your race you selfish bitch." and laughed as I inserted the virus and committed mass genocide as my final heroic act.

Link: Fallout 3's Delivers Puppies! on May 5

Fatal Frame 4 for Wii will never see the darkroom in NA

One thing I've noticed as a Wii owner is the staggering number of shovelware that is being released for the system. And when there IS a good or great game released for it, it's usually a first party title. With that said, I had a lot of hope when Nintendo gained exclusive rights to the latest installment of Fatal Frame, and even decided to publish it themselves. Unfortunately, Nintendo decided to knock the wind out of my sails.

According to Tecmo, via correspondence with IGN, Nintendo has decided not to release the game in America. When asked by MTV multiplayer about the title, current Nintendo of America president, Reggie Fils-Aime said "We are not the publisher of that title in the Americas."

Awesome... guess I'm gonna have to settle for Resident Evil 5 to get my survival not-so-horror fix.

Link: Fatal Frame Never Coming to America?

Valkyria Chronicles DLC available tomorrow through PSN

The Valkyria point phallic objects while showcasing their gravity defying boobs as a means to show their superiority.

The long awaited DLC for one of the most under-appreciated games on the PS3 is finally coming to the Playstation Network after tomorrow's update. The Valkyria Chronicles DLC will come in 3 "packages".

DLC details courtesy of SEGA:

-Hard EX Mode – fight your way once again through the entire Imperial army, where the enemies are more lethal and your main tank Edelweiss is unavailable. You’ll have to be more strategic in order to overcome your opponents.

-Edy’s Mission “Enter the Edy Detachment” – six members have been separated from Squad 7 and on their journey to reunite with their squad, they stumble upon a tiny village under attack by the Imperial Army. Play as Edy and command your outnumbered team to defend the small village from annihilation.

-Selvaria’s Mission “Behind Her Blue Flame”– Taking place right after the outbreak of Gallian battle lines, you play as Johann, a young and meek engineer assigned to Selvaria’s troop. See the action as it unfolds behind enemy lines and see the war play out through the eyes of the enemy.

No word yet on how much the DLC will cost.

Valkyria Chronicles is one of the most beautiful-looking, innovative and fun SRPG I've played in a long while. Even though the story was cliche'd as hell and it was showcased in a manner very reminiscent of Hentai games(minus the dialogue choices) it was still a very enjoyable experience. It really IS too bad so few people have played it. Out of all my friends, I only know of Joe S. and myself that have actually played and finished the game.

Out of all the DLC, I'm most interested in "Selvaria's Mission". Ever since I first saw that missle warhead-chested bitch I wanted to be able to control her. Hopefully her DLC will finally let me do just that.

Link: Valkyria Chronicles DLC marching to PSN soon

Someone in the UK knows what GTA players REALLY want as collectibles in their game packages

I deedent know dose pills were in dehr officer.

Messenger bag and a figurine? More multiplayer maps? One would think that these exclusive items one gets from buying a game are the bees knees. But, someone who traded in used copies of Grand Theft Auto(no word on which installments they are) to UK game store "Gamestation" knew exactly what to include in games to help enhance the gamer experience.

A father from the UK bought 2 used copies of Grand Theft Auto from Gamestation for his 12year old boy and was surprised to find 4 pills of ecstasy hidden in one of the game's instruction manuals. I, vehemently, don't agree with putting such a potentially harmful drug in game packagings. Game traders really should start off with something milder. Some sweet sweet cheeba perhaps? It's called the gateway drug for a reason. Let's not have our gamers start to run before they learn to crawl, k?

And aren't we forgetting the important issue here? Why the fuck is the dad buying GTA games for his 12-year-old son?! Let's leave the innocent pills alone.

Link:Father of boy, 12, finds ecstasy tablets in video game manual

Final Fantasy Dissidia NA trailer

Kotaku just posted this. It's the latest trailer for Final Fantasy Dissidia for the PSP that already came out in Japan and will be out in the summer here in the states and September in Europe. As usual, the trailer only shows one long CG cutscene and no actual gameplay footage. Typical Squeenix.

Some of my friends have already played the Japanese version and they've told me that the game was very text heavy so I decided to hold off downloading buying it until the English version came out.

Link: Final Fantasy: Dissidia Debut Trailer

My gender lets me down(again)

I always wondered why gamer guys were usually a lot more... let's say... sexually lacking in their daily lives. I was fairly certain that it had a lot to do with the fact that most of us have the social skills equivalent of a leek when interacting with the opposite sex.

A PS3 specialist website, www.PS3pricecompare.co.uk dared to tackle this social issue. They did a non-scientific study concering sex and videogames by questioning 1,130 men who were in relationships. And as you can imagine, the results were depressing.

According to the study:

When asked "Which would you prefer; sex with your partner or an evening playing video games?", 32% of men said they would prefer to play video games.

But that number shot up when the question changed to include "new video games".

[...]72% of those questioned - said they would forgo sleeping with their other halves for the chance to play a brand new game.


Wow, guys... REALLY?!

Link: Third 'prefer video games to sex'

Awkward moment(in scenario writing) in a beloved old school RPG

I always loved this certain scenario in Final Fantasy IV. Not because it showed the true power of Golbez and how outmatched Cecil and his crew were. And not because it showcased the powerful(and sexy) return of Rydia from the dead(complete with leather, thigh-high fuck-me boots). And it certainly wasn't because it demonstrated the dire circumstances our hero was in for. No. I loved it because a gigantic hand of Golbez appears and takes away the crystal VERY VERY VERY SLOWLY in front of our heroes and they do nothing about it(The hand even takes a ZIG-ZAGGY way towards it!! It didn't even take the shortest distance!). Talk about awkward writing.

Note: Fast forward to 4:10 in the video to watch in horror as Golbez's hand SLOWLY takes away the crystal.

Another JRPG, another engrish opening song

Ok, I like Bonnie Pink. I like a lot of her work. But this engrish opening song of Tales of Vesperia by her just isn't working for me. I thought publishers had learned never to do engrish opening songs again after that godawful Grandia 3 opening song, but I guess I was the only one who actually found that shit awful. Weeaboos probably eat that shit right up. I mean, if they didn't, why would they bother with such terrible engrish songs right? At the very least they coulda just ripped out the godawful lyrics and just made it into an intstrumental like Suikoden Tierkreis' opening.

40 year-old California man tries to "WoW" 13 year-old Utah girl

40 year-old California man, Robert Lavern Davison was arrested by the FBI and was brought to Utah to go before a judge for allegedly luring a 13 year-old Utah girl to go to California. Centerville, Utah Police Sgt. Von Steenblik said Davison and the girl met while playing World of Warcraft online on their computers and from there they started chatting in the game, then e-mailing, then talking on the phone and was about to meet up in California to be able to go to infinity and beyond.

Man oh man, look at the guy's pic. Holy shit, I've seen my fair share of neckbeards when I go to Anime Expo yearly but this guy takes the cake. And what IS that on his belly? Is that a pressure ulcer? How the fuck can you get a pressure ulcer when you're able to walk and move around voluntarily?! Is he such a fat fuck that he can't even be bothered to move his fat belly off his computer desk surface to alleviate the shear on his skin while playing WoW? It looks like he hasn't bathed since the printing press was invented. To think that all those months I played FFXI that some, if not a majority, of the players I played with look like him just sends shivers down my incredibly sexy spine.

Let this be a lesson people!! As my friend, Nam says, just say "NO" to "MMOs"! Unless it's Star Trek.

Link: California Man Accused Of Using Internet To Lure 13 Year Old Utah Girl

Microsoft gets in on the rhythm game bandwagon

Microsoft announced today their Guitar Hero killer app; Alpine Legend. Now my friend, acquaintance, bum I know off the street, Ramon can finally relive his fantasy of blowing into something long and hard every waking moment AND earning achievement points while doing it.

Link: Microsoft asks players: "Are you ready to blow?"

New DS add-on announced

Japanese Nintendo fansite; N-styles.com has unveiled a new add-on for the Nintendo DS. This add-on will help make your DS into a usable cel phone. Although the link provided is in Japanese, I think the pictures of the peripheral speaks for itself.

Link: 通話機能を搭載！「二ンテンドーDSPhone」を発売

Note: If the link sends you to a picture of a ferret in a field or something, just reload the page by clicking the link right below it.

Kojima announces the next protagonist in the new Metal Gear Solid.

Metal Gear creator Hideo Kojima released a new video today depicting the new protagonist in the next installment of the MGS series. The video shows the aforementioned protagonist kickin' ass and takin' names in ways that may seem a bit familiar for those who have played MGS4.

Link: Kojima's April 1st announcement