Friday, August 21, 2009

Shadowfun, I think not.

Shadowrun is not fun. Shadowrun + fun is not Shadowfun.

What used to be a compelling Action RPG back from the NES days turned into a strictly Team Deathmatch game. The singleplayer mode in this game consists of Team Deathmatch with bots (and you can't get achievements this way).

The closest game to Shadowrun for the Xbox 360 is probably counterstrike. The difference between this game and other TDM games is the magic factor. In this game you can teleport around, resurrect teammates, summon minions and stuff. Instead of watching the corners for enemies, you'll need to have a 360 degree field of vision because enemies can teleport from the floor, the ceiling, through walls, etc.

Teamplay is essential here, since defensive magic (resurrection / healing tree) is beneficial to the team. Instead of killing a team of five, you might have to kill up to 15 enemies since the enemies keep on resurrecting dead teammates.

This simple logic makes resurrection the most important spell in the game.

Typical 8v8 shadowrun experience:
IF most members can make it to the center of the map and wipe themselves out. The remaining players (average two on each side) on the enemy team revives the players that died in the gunfight. The remaining players on your team runs around the map trying to find a place to snipe, since they never bothered to buy resurrection.
The remaining players usually:
1. Hide until time runs out.
2. Get killed.
3. Gang raped by 8 enemies.

Common Shadowrun logic dictates that the money spent on team spells should be used to buy weapons and gadgets because "I don't want to be a healer. I want to get frags. My teammates can do the healing for me." The end result is nobody buys resurrection and the scenario above occurs until you lose the game.


I prefixed the first sentence because around 1/5 of the time you get betrayed by your teammates for no apparent reason. So someone betrays you, you get them back the next round. Eye for an eye, playing field is even, EXCEPT YOUR TEAMMATES ACT LIKE LITTLE CHILDREN (Minion Preacher) AND CONTINUE TO HARASS YOUR TEAMMATES EVERY ROUND. JEESUS KID GROW UP ALREADY.

I can't get a god damn win because:
1. You are shooting me and I have no health.
2. we're down 2-3 teammates due to griefing. 8 v 5 of us makes us lose.
3. Making us lose forces me to spend my money rebuying weapons.
4. Trying to dodge your bullets every round gives the enemy times to set up an assault.

Conclusion:

Note: This game initially sold for $60.



Quote:
The most important thing is the value of what you're getting, I think there is value there at the $60 price point. If you play just about any first person, next-generation shooter that's come out recently, you're looking at the single player game being about 10 hours. I've been playing Shadowrun for three years... You can see this game truly has legs. So, ten hours of gameplay for sixty bucks, plus some probably lame multiplayer they tacked on, versus Shadowrun that you can play, lets [sic] say, for years.


from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shadowrun_(2007_video_game)

Things wrong with this statement:
1. Lame multiplayer also applies to Shadowrun.
2. You can play any game for 3 years (ex. tetris).
3. Single player campaign lets you play by yourself without xbox live ANYTIME!
4. You're paying full price for half a game.
5. $60 for 3 year logic also applies to any other game.
6. You can't play "whenever you want" if not enough people are playing, you could just end up waiting for a game indefinitely.

I also like to point out that FASAstudio, the company that made this game, is out of buisness.

This logic + shitty teammates + griefers + lag makes shadowrun multiplayer a crappy experience. More power to you if you can find a static team to play with.

Last words:

Minion Preacher: You are a loser. Stop acting like a pre-pubescent 13 year old. You're like the KKK, nobody wants to be on your side (team). Go do yourself a favor and disconnect your router, it will make the world a better place to live in.
Note: I didn't say "go kill yourself." because I need people to work at fast food restaurants. I mean, my chicken soft tacos aren't going to make themselves are they?
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Monday, August 3, 2009

Mushroom Kingdom sex tape scandal.


I think the title explains it pretty well. NSFW and all that, but goddamn hilarious.
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Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Gears of Melee 2?


Okay, now that I'm done with the demon World of Warcraft (It took my mind for a while I just stopped playing entirely) I can move on back to my opinions and rants about games on Console. Let me start off by saying I like this game. I've owned it since it came out, I couldn't wait to pick the mother F'er up and play the campaign to HELL with my friend. I mean I loved part one, hated the achievements and the online game itself, but that's a tale for later in this article. Let me just start off by saying, anyone reading this; I'm sure you played this game if you own a 360, otherwise... seriously why do you own a 360? This is one of the powerhouses on the console, and if you're just not playing it because it's too violent you bought the wrong system. On mah 360 it's shootan games galore!!! PEW PEW FUCK CHAINSAW BRAAAA WHERE'S MY WIFE!? Okay I'm going off on a tangent, so I'm going to pick the game apart.

Story: Well it's a continuation of the first Gears, which by this time I completely forgot the whole fucking story. It seems like it's okay but I know shit is missing in between, which is why they wrote a book for it. Not because they wanted to milk people for money. NO, that would be wrong... I still have to pick up the fucking book. Anyways, the story is pretty action packed etc. but I have to say: most disappointing last boss ever. Raam as the last boss from the first game was like a party thrown by Jesus Christ himself compared to a giant fucking glowing Brumak.

Graphics: Pretty fucking good, the only complaint I can say when you load a level you can see all the texture layers falling over the characters... wait that's not really bad actually it's pretty awesome to me.

Achievements: Yeah.... a lot of fucking online ones... some I'm probably never getting. I mean I'll admit this now, I'm not good. I'm really just so so. Coming off Halo 3 I'm just a support kind of teammate.

Multi-player
: Okay I'm conflicted, I love playing multi-player... with my friends. Online nobody fucking calls out SHIT. Rare will you find people with their mic on so why be the one yelling at nobody? Okay now that the teamwork factor is over, lets talk about the weapons. Get power weapons or fucking die. Sure you can be skilled and hammer burst someone quick, but almost every other weapon will wreck your shit. I mean hell every person comes with a power weapon, it's called the fucking shotgun. This is why I hated gears online in part one. The shotgun was SO fucking powerful, you could use it like a fucking rifle and it does MASSIVE fucking damage. YOU FUCKING START WITH IT. At least in Halo you have to go fucking find the weapon. In this game, oh no, you can just Melee Shotgun a whole fucking team. That's besides the fact it isn't fucking precise; you can shoot a bitch up close with a body shot and they live. Then you get clipped around a corner and, BOOM, you are a fucking hamburger. While I could blame this on me being so-so, host advantage is still existent. So that .1 second advantage the host gets to hit you first is crucial. Even so I find myself screaming at this game yet wanting to better myself at it.

Mmm... shotgun peppered hamburger.

I recommend this game though, if you have a friend to play story mode through it makes it all the sweeter, you got 4 other friends for online, have fun with that, also Horde mode is pretty fucking fun too. I'll gladly play this until Gears 3 is out on the 720 or Xbox 3 or whatever the fuck system its on.
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Crying the distance


I'm playing Far Cry 2.
IMHO its a crappier version of GTA 4/Crackdown.
The game boils down to.
Drive, Drive, Drive, Shoot, Shoot, Shoot, Drive, Drive, Drive, Drive, Drive, Drive, Car Breaks Down, Run, Run, Run, Shoot, Shoot, Shoot, Get a new car, Drive, Drive, Drive, Car Breaks Down, Fix, Fix, Fix, Drive, Drive, Drive.

Why GTA > Far Cry:
Weapons breakdown too quickly in Far Cry.
Enemy has radar/can see through bushes/objects in Far Cry. The world is set in a jungle but you can't use the environment to your advantage (except setting it on fire).
Unrealistic Car damage in Far Cry (Your car gets shot in the back and the engine gets damaged).
Better story/characters in GTA.
Taxi (driving to a bus station is annoying) in GTA.

Why Far Cry > GTA
Better controls.
Bigger weapon selection (most of the weapons suck in the game however).
COD style multi-player rankings.

So save yourself $20 and get GTA instead.
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Saturday, June 20, 2009

Swine Flew



Thanks to my Twitter, Livejournal and Xbox Live friend Leesa for directing my attention to the above video. I haven't laughed out loud literally in a Halo 3 replay in a long long time. Enjoy.
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Wednesday, June 17, 2009

What?! Final Fantasy XIV?! I'm sorry I can't hear you over the sounds of awesome boobs and ass jiggles!



The upcoming Final Fantasy XIV Online, which is pretty much the successor of the somewhat successful FFXI Online may have Taru Tarus, Mithras & Ninjas. And World Of Warcraft may have Blood Elves and Night Elves and all that other good stuff. But an upcoming MMORPG from the Korean company NCsoft addresses an issue that has been missing in nearly all the commercially successful MMORPGs to date. Their latest game, Blade & Soul tackles the issue: Can you manage to play an MMORPG with one hand on the mouse and another on your joystick?

cue: Ass & Titties song

EVERY RPG's character design should be done by the Magna Boobie Carta guy.
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Friday, May 15, 2009

This is the dawning of the Tales of Vesperia! Tales of Vesperiaaaaa! VESPERIAAAAAAA!

So last night I finally deleted Tales of Vesperia off my Xbox 360 HD. After 167.5 hours of biting, clawing, crying, bleeding, sweating and OCD-induced seizures, rage and mental fatigue I FINALLY got 1000 achievement points in the game. Why Namco Bandai wanted to make a game which encouraged OCD behavior is beyond me, but I fell squarely in their trap.

That's not to say the game wasn't good. On the contrary, the fact that the game was so fun to play was what made me so OCD about it's achievements. The story was your standard JRPG flair, which I would assume is also common for most Tales games(before this, the last Tales game I played was Tales of Destiny for the PS1. More on that later.) The characters are VERY well written though, and definitely lovable by game's end. The Tales team definitely went out of their way to flesh them out in the way of skits, in-battle and post-battle talk and side-quests. Also, for the first time in a long time, I was finally able to control a JRPG main char that was somewhat morally ambiguous. I was pleasantly surprised by the complexity of the characters and the top notch writing of the scenarios, as well as the excellent job the translation team did on conveying said writing for the American audience.

That milk must have been 200 proof.


That is until the screenshot above popped up. Just when I thought the days of people getting sick off dairy products, of Justin from the first Grandia not drinking "Coffee" because it was for adults were behind us. Today; when we have Gears of War with chainsaw and host-advantage shotgun fun, when we have the option of committing mass genocide as our epitaph in Fallout 3, Namco Bandai America takes a stand. Apparently they believe legal adults cannot enjoy an alcoholic drink or two or three to have a good time, goof off, make an ass of themselves in their best friend's graduation party, bond with others in a party with shots of Patron silver, get so hammered during a New Year's eve party that when they're all alone with a big tittied chick they are unable to perform because of the copious amounts of alcohol in their system(IT, FUCKING, HAPPENS ALRIGHT?!), and overall just to enjoy some kinda festival.

Moving on to the achievement in this game that made my life a living hell.

Item Nerd 30


After my first run of the game, I had made it a point to get 100% on both the information of all the monsters in the world and it's items on the second run. Imagine the shock on my face when I got my perceived last needed item in the game and the stupid xbox chime for achievements didn't come up. My hopes and dreams were dashed in that instant. I flipped through my cluttered pages of achievement tips to find out what went wrong. I was quick to flip out and yell "GLITCH!!" when I couldn't find what I was missing. And then, I found it amidst my crumpled papers. "Magic Lantern" it said. An item that can only be obtained during a specific time in the game. An item that the player has to PURPOSELY fuck up to get. An item that doesn't even fucking give you a prompt on the screen that you actually got it. An item that raped my mother in front of my innocent father as it butchered the rest of my family members in the background. I was horrified... I had to play through the game again and suffer that insipid Ring a Bell theme song by Bonnie Pink. I was at wit's end.

Speaking of the theme song; holy fuck those engrish lyrics don't make a lick of sense. "It's not in the dark scary day to carry on" lolwut?

As I mentioned earlier; the last Tales game I played was Tales of Destiny for the PS1 more than a decade ago. The reason for that was because in the very final dungeon of that game, you literally couldn't take 2 steps without getting into a random fight. It made the game unplayable so I dropped it and swore off Tales games. Until Vesperia came along and I thought I'd give it a spin. Vesperia then went ahead and took advantage of my OCD while she was walking home alone in a dark alley at 2am in the morning by pointing a knife at her throat and having his way with her. So I, again, swear off all Tales games... until next decade.
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Friday, April 24, 2009

Sonic the hedgehog corrupts our world's youth, one innocent mind at a time.

"I always knew that hedgehog would be up to no good!"


A 6-year-old kid from Norway named Christer decided his name did not properly reflect some of his personality quirks such as his sarcastic tone of voice when speaking to doctors, penchant for running around at break-neck speeds, sharp wit, spiky blue fur, befriendment of 2-tailed foxes and echidnas, sense of urgency to free woodland creatures from their robot bodies and an odd obsession with chili dogs. So, to correct this miscarriage of justice, he decided to write a letter to the King of Norway to plead that his name be changed to something more suitable of his extraordinary attributes. Something along the lines of "Sonic X" perhaps?

The King respectfully declined the child's request based on the fact that you must be at least 18 years of age to legally change your name and also to spare the child from a lifetime addiction to furry porn.

On the upside for Christer, SEGA has reportedly contacted the Norwegian newspaper that ran the story to send him some Sonic furry porn periphernalia.

Link: 6-year-old asks Norwegian King's permission to be named Sonic X
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My unhealthy relationship with women in the industry

I've found Jessica Chobot of IGN.com perplexingly hot for some time now, and despite her rather baritone voice I still find her full of sex life. So every Friday when "Inside Xbox" on Xbox Live updates their IGN Insider strategies episode, featuring our very lovely Jessica here, I tend to watch, regardless of what game they cover. By "watch" I mean watch for the first minute when Jessica's on-screen with my pants around my ankles then promptly turn it off when it gets to the actual strategy talk and no longer shows her.



It's like softcore porn every Friday for me.

Yeah... I'm a perv...
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Thursday, April 23, 2009

Best Buy stimulates economy by offering gamers an opportunity to stay home and spend less money on the economy.

One of North America's few remaining electronics giants, Best Buy, is having a MASSIVE $10 sale on a GRIP of games spanning nearly all platforms. Starting April 26th 2009, you will find yours truly diving into the bargain bins of his local Best Buy trying to dig gold amongst the inevitable mounds of crap games. The list of bargain games below is courtesy of Cheapassgamer.com


PS3:
007: Quantum of Solace
Blitz 2
Bolt
Bourne Conspiracy
Cliver Barker's Jericho
Disney Sing It w/Mic
Enemy Territory: Quake Wars
Ferrari Challenge
Fracture
Guitar Hero 3
Guitar Hero Aerosmith
Hail to the Chimp
Lost Planet: Extreme Conditions
MLB 08: The Show
NBA Ballers Chosen One
NFL Head Coach
NFL Tour
Overlord: Raising Hell
Pure
Rock Band
Rock Revolution
Singstar ABBA
Singstar Vol 2
Soul Calibur 4
TNA Impact

360:
007 Quantum of Solace
Alone in the Dark
Blitz 2
Bolt
Bourne Conspiracy
C&C 3: Kanes Wrath
C&C: Red Alert 3
Clive Barkers Jericho
Condemned 2
Devil May Cry 4
Enemy Territory Quake Wars
Fracture
Golden Compass
Hellboy
Infinite Undiscovery
NBA Ballers Chosen One
NFL Head Coach 09
NFL Tour
NHL 2k9
Operation Darkness
Pure
Ratatouie
Rock Revolution
Silent Hill: Homecoming
Solder of Fortune 3
Soul Calibur 4
Spiderwick Chronicles
TNA Impact
Too Human
Turning Point
Turok
Universe at War
Unreal Tournament 3
Wall-E
Warhammer Battle March
WWE 2008

Wii:
BATTLE OF THE BANDS
NAKED BROTHERS BAND W/MICR
PETZ CRAZY MONKEYZ
Popstar Guitar
RUBIKS WORLD
SAMBA DE AMIGO
TALES OF DESPERAUX
THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR

PS2:
Bolt
Dancing with the Stars
Disney's High School Muiscal (It ends there, so I'm not sure if it's 2 or what)
Disney Sing It w/ Microphones
High School Musical 3 (Two versions are listed??)
Monster Lab
Naked Brothers Band w/microphone
Shrek's Carnival Craze
Singstar Country Bundle
The Golden Compass
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
Think Fast with controllers

DS:
Cheetah Girls: Passport
Disney: Cory in the House
Energy Dance Squad
Engergy Gym rockets
Igor
Imagine Ballet Star
Imagine Movie Star
Imagine Rock Star
Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon
My Fashion Studio
Naked Bros Band
Neopets
Ninja Gaiden: DS
Ninja Reflex
Petz Rescue Endangered
Prince of Persia
Quantum of Solace
Rock Revolution
Tales of Desperaux
Tecmo Bowl
Ultimate Band
WWE 2009 Smackdown


Just from that list alone I KNOW I'll be getting Bourne Conspiracy(cuz I wanna know what happens after Ultimatum) and Silent Hill(cuz I'm a fan of the series) for the Xbox360 (also because they're supposedly pretty moderate 1000's. Yes, I'm an achievement whore like that).

Link: Cheapassgamer.com
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Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Apparently, in videogame company logic, adding "Lego" to a franchise makes it better

So Harmonix had a press release today that confirms that Lego Rock Band is being developed. The game's demographic appears to be the teen and tweens market and will feature songs such as: Blur's "Song 2", Carl Douglas' "Kung Fu Fighting", Europe's "The Final Countdown", Good Charlotte's "Boys and Girls" and Pink's "So What".

Uh... huh... how does having Lego block characters enhance the experience of playing Rock Band? I can understand putting established story-based franchises like Batman, Star Wars and Indiana Jones in a Lego environment puts a new twist to how their stories are told, but Rock Band? Really? Am I really THAT out of touch with "casual gamers"?

Link: Lego Rock Band Yes, really.
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Broken Steel; Fallout 3's 3rd and last DLC breaks game's ending on May 5

Bethesda has gone ahead and revealed some info on their newest and last Xbox 360 and PC DLC for Fallout 3, called "Broken Steel". PS3 owners, as with the first 2 DLCs and nearly every other DLC for every multiplatform game, are SKAH-REWED since it won't be released for their platform. The new DLC will apparently take out the ending of the game altogether since the storyline for it will start about 2 weeks after the events of the final quest in the main storyline. The DLC also tweaks some events that occur leading up to the main storyline's climax, such as being able to send one of several of your companions to complete the final task of the game, instead of doing it yourself.

Now I feel KINDA bad for going along with President Eden's plans about inputting the modified FEV virus into the Project Purity tank and killing off all the Ghouls and Supermutants since my main motivation for doing so was because Fawkes refused to initiate Project Purity full-knowing that he can survive the radiation it'll give off, and that if *I* did it I would end up dead. So I said "Fuck you and your race you selfish bitch." and laughed as I inserted the virus and committed mass genocide as my final heroic act.

Link: Fallout 3's Delivers Puppies! on May 5
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Thursday, April 9, 2009

Fatal Frame 4 for Wii will never see the darkroom in NA

One thing I've noticed as a Wii owner is the staggering number of shovelware that is being released for the system. And when there IS a good or great game released for it, it's usually a first party title. With that said, I had a lot of hope when Nintendo gained exclusive rights to the latest installment of Fatal Frame, and even decided to publish it themselves. Unfortunately, Nintendo decided to knock the wind out of my sails.

According to Tecmo, via correspondence with IGN, Nintendo has decided not to release the game in America. When asked by MTV multiplayer about the title, current Nintendo of America president, Reggie Fils-Aime said "We are not the publisher of that title in the Americas."

Awesome... guess I'm gonna have to settle for Resident Evil 5 to get my survival not-so-horror fix.

Link: Fatal Frame Never Coming to America?
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Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Valkyria Chronicles DLC available tomorrow through PSN


The Valkyria point phallic objects while showcasing their gravity defying boobs as a means to show their superiority.


The long awaited DLC for one of the most under-appreciated games on the PS3 is finally coming to the Playstation Network after tomorrow's update. The Valkyria Chronicles DLC will come in 3 "packages".

DLC details courtesy of SEGA:

-Hard EX Mode – fight your way once again through the entire Imperial army, where the enemies are more lethal and your main tank Edelweiss is unavailable. You’ll have to be more strategic in order to overcome your opponents.

-Edy’s Mission “Enter the Edy Detachment” – six members have been separated from Squad 7 and on their journey to reunite with their squad, they stumble upon a tiny village under attack by the Imperial Army. Play as Edy and command your outnumbered team to defend the small village from annihilation.

-Selvaria’s Mission “Behind Her Blue Flame”– Taking place right after the outbreak of Gallian battle lines, you play as Johann, a young and meek engineer assigned to Selvaria’s troop. See the action as it unfolds behind enemy lines and see the war play out through the eyes of the enemy.


No word yet on how much the DLC will cost.

Valkyria Chronicles is one of the most beautiful-looking, innovative and fun SRPG I've played in a long while. Even though the story was cliche'd as hell and it was showcased in a manner very reminiscent of Hentai games(minus the dialogue choices) it was still a very enjoyable experience. It really IS too bad so few people have played it. Out of all my friends, I only know of Joe S. and myself that have actually played and finished the game.

Out of all the DLC, I'm most interested in "Selvaria's Mission". Ever since I first saw that missle warhead-chested bitch I wanted to be able to control her. Hopefully her DLC will finally let me do just that.

Link: Valkyria Chronicles DLC marching to PSN soon
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Someone in the UK knows what GTA players REALLY want as collectibles in their game packages


I deedent know dose pills were in dehr officer.


Messenger bag and a figurine? More multiplayer maps? One would think that these exclusive items one gets from buying a game are the bees knees. But, someone who traded in used copies of Grand Theft Auto(no word on which installments they are) to UK game store "Gamestation" knew exactly what to include in games to help enhance the gamer experience.

A father from the UK bought 2 used copies of Grand Theft Auto from Gamestation for his 12year old boy and was surprised to find 4 pills of ecstasy hidden in one of the game's instruction manuals. I, vehemently, don't agree with putting such a potentially harmful drug in game packagings. Game traders really should start off with something milder. Some sweet sweet cheeba perhaps? It's called the gateway drug for a reason. Let's not have our gamers start to run before they learn to crawl, k?

And aren't we forgetting the important issue here? Why the fuck is the dad buying GTA games for his 12-year-old son?! Let's leave the innocent pills alone.

Link:Father of boy, 12, finds ecstasy tablets in video game manual
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Friday, April 3, 2009

Final Fantasy Dissidia NA trailer



Kotaku just posted this. It's the latest trailer for Final Fantasy Dissidia for the PSP that already came out in Japan and will be out in the summer here in the states and September in Europe. As usual, the trailer only shows one long CG cutscene and no actual gameplay footage. Typical Squeenix.

Some of my friends have already played the Japanese version and they've told me that the game was very text heavy so I decided to hold off downloading buying it until the English version came out.

Link: Final Fantasy: Dissidia Debut Trailer
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Thursday, April 2, 2009

My gender lets me down(again)


I always wondered why gamer guys were usually a lot more... let's say... sexually lacking in their daily lives. I was fairly certain that it had a lot to do with the fact that most of us have the social skills equivalent of a leek when interacting with the opposite sex.

A PS3 specialist website, www.PS3pricecompare.co.uk dared to tackle this social issue. They did a non-scientific study concering sex and videogames by questioning 1,130 men who were in relationships. And as you can imagine, the results were depressing.

According to the study:

When asked "Which would you prefer; sex with your partner or an evening playing video games?", 32% of men said they would prefer to play video games.

But that number shot up when the question changed to include "new video games".

[...]72% of those questioned - said they would forgo sleeping with their other halves for the chance to play a brand new game.


Wow, guys... REALLY?!

Link: Third 'prefer video games to sex'
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Awkward moment(in scenario writing) in a beloved old school RPG



I always loved this certain scenario in Final Fantasy IV. Not because it showed the true power of Golbez and how outmatched Cecil and his crew were. And not because it showcased the powerful(and sexy) return of Rydia from the dead(complete with leather, thigh-high fuck-me boots). And it certainly wasn't because it demonstrated the dire circumstances our hero was in for. No. I loved it because a gigantic hand of Golbez appears and takes away the crystal VERY VERY VERY SLOWLY in front of our heroes and they do nothing about it(The hand even takes a ZIG-ZAGGY way towards it!! It didn't even take the shortest distance!). Talk about awkward writing.

Note: Fast forward to 4:10 in the video to watch in horror as Golbez's hand SLOWLY takes away the crystal.
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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Another JRPG, another engrish opening song



Ok, I like Bonnie Pink. I like a lot of her work. But this engrish opening song of Tales of Vesperia by her just isn't working for me. I thought publishers had learned never to do engrish opening songs again after that godawful Grandia 3 opening song, but I guess I was the only one who actually found that shit awful. Weeaboos probably eat that shit right up. I mean, if they didn't, why would they bother with such terrible engrish songs right? At the very least they coulda just ripped out the godawful lyrics and just made it into an intstrumental like Suikoden Tierkreis' opening.
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40 year-old California man tries to "WoW" 13 year-old Utah girl

40 year-old California man, Robert Lavern Davison was arrested by the FBI and was brought to Utah to go before a judge for allegedly luring a 13 year-old Utah girl to go to California. Centerville, Utah Police Sgt. Von Steenblik said Davison and the girl met while playing World of Warcraft online on their computers and from there they started chatting in the game, then e-mailing, then talking on the phone and was about to meet up in California to be able to go to infinity and beyond.

Man oh man, look at the guy's pic. Holy shit, I've seen my fair share of neckbeards when I go to Anime Expo yearly but this guy takes the cake. And what IS that on his belly? Is that a pressure ulcer? How the fuck can you get a pressure ulcer when you're able to walk and move around voluntarily?! Is he such a fat fuck that he can't even be bothered to move his fat belly off his computer desk surface to alleviate the shear on his skin while playing WoW? It looks like he hasn't bathed since the printing press was invented. To think that all those months I played FFXI that some, if not a majority, of the players I played with look like him just sends shivers down my incredibly sexy spine.

Let this be a lesson people!! As my friend, Nam says, just say "NO" to "MMOs"! Unless it's Star Trek.

Link: California Man Accused Of Using Internet To Lure 13 Year Old Utah Girl
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Microsoft gets in on the rhythm game bandwagon



Microsoft announced today their Guitar Hero killer app; Alpine Legend. Now my friend, acquaintance, bum I know off the street, Ramon can finally relive his fantasy of blowing into something long and hard every waking moment AND earning achievement points while doing it.

Link: Microsoft asks players: "Are you ready to blow?"
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New DS add-on announced




Japanese Nintendo fansite; N-styles.com has unveiled a new add-on for the Nintendo DS. This add-on will help make your DS into a usable cel phone. Although the link provided is in Japanese, I think the pictures of the peripheral speaks for itself.

Link: 通話機能を搭載!「二ンテンドーDSPhone」を発売

Note: If the link sends you to a picture of a ferret in a field or something, just reload the page by clicking the link right below it.
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Kojima announces the next protagonist in the new Metal Gear Solid.

Metal Gear creator Hideo Kojima released a new video today depicting the new protagonist in the next installment of the MGS series. The video shows the aforementioned protagonist kickin' ass and takin' names in ways that may seem a bit familiar for those who have played MGS4.

Link: Kojima's April 1st announcement
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Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Now now, Japan. That's just mean.

Kotaku reported that the Japanese website Akiba Blog ran a blogpost stating that Dragon Quest IX for the Nintendo DS was going to be released at midnight today. Today being April 1st.

For those NOT in the know, Dragon Quest game releases in Japan are like Harry Potter opening weekends x10.

2000 people lined up outside stores in Akihabara... TWO THOUSAND! Akiba blog might as well have pissed in their cereal.

And apparently, according to the above picture, everyone who lined up has either a penis or a vagina instead of heads. At least, that's what Japanese porn taught me.

Link: ドラゴンクエスト9本日発売!秋葉原で2000人以上の行列が
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GTA in the bedroom is hazardous to a wife's health.

I would like you to stop calling me about those fucking beeg american teetees cohsin!


So a 62 year-old man ended up stabbing his wife 20 times because she kicked him out of the bedroom so she can play GTA on their son's playstation. Mmhmm...

The defense lawyer has already gone on record stating "The genesis of this tragedy bizarrely lies with the purchase of the PlayStation". RIIIIIIIIIGHT! Don't blame the Genesis for the Playstation's problems, buddy!

Link: Father killed partner who became hooked on Sony PlayStation.
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Achievement Unlocked: Tomb Raider Underworld 1000 achievement points

So I got 1000 achievement points on Tomb Raider Underworld last night. The game was a drastic improvement over the last 2 TR games. Not to say that the last 2 were bad, just that TRU improved upon them significantly. Lara's model is now motion captured, so now her movements don't look so damn artificial. Also, her model has been aesthetically improved upon the already impressive models from the last 2 games(I, admittedly, have a nonsensical crush on Lara Croft for a while now).

The puzzles in the game were a bit in the easy side though. Did people complain after Tomb Raider Anniversary's release that the puzzles were too hard or something? It definitely wasn't as rewarding in TRU to solve the puzzles as it was in both Legend and Anniversary. Although, gone are the annoying time trial achievements from the previous 2 games. Halle-fucking-lujah! Even the collectible-type achievements were easier to get this time around.

Story was well written, albeit short, and added more to the ongoing story that has been lingering in the last 2 installments. I guess you can say this is a trilogy of sorts since the ending of the "Lara's Shadow" DLC shows a definite conclusion to it.


It's really too bad that even with all the improvements Crystal Dynamics made, they still haven't improved upon some of the series' fundamental flaws such as a sometimes erratic camera and poor adjustment of the controls with said erratic camera. Often times, I found myself having Lara plunge to her death towards the opposite side of where I wanted her to jump because the controls had not adjusted quickly enough to the changing camera angles. Still, it's a small complaint that, if you've played previous TR games, you can work around.

Close but no cigar for TRU, but still fun nonetheless.
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SE launches FF Crystal Chronicles: The Crystal Bearers website. Wants to gauge YOUR interest.


Square-Enix launched the official website for their latest Wii game; FFCC:TCB. The site's pretty sparse on featues right now, but there are 2 grayed out options on the site called "It's gonna be a long night" and "Public Spectacle" respectably. From how it looks, it seems these are going to be unlocked based on how many clicks the site gets as evidenced by the "More visits, More movies" text flashing on top of them. So get to clickin' weeaboos!

I wasn't a big fan of FFCC on the gamecube, but I'm willing to give this one a try. Now, if only I can get over my arms tiring out whenever I play a Wii game for more than 10 minutes, I'll be good to go to play this with my friends when it comes out.
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PS2 drops to $99. Yay?

As Kotaku had reported last week, Sony had an announcement to make today, the 31st of March. So this morning Sony made the announcement that the PS2 is dropping it's price to $99.

Umm... yippee?

Edit: In other news; Microsoft doesn't give a shit.
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EXTRA EXTRA!! Suikoden Tierkreis starts series in new "infinity worlds". Stars of Destiny from previous installments nowhere to be found!


As favorable as the reviews are for Suikoden Tierkreis, the idea of the game itself kinda puts me in a bind. On one hand; the game captures the feel of the previous Suikoden games pretty spot-on. But on the other hand; this may very well be a reboot of the series.

The game is fun, I'm near it's end but it's just not the same Suikoden if the later installments don't add to the overall world of the series. I'm just really hoping the Suiko team at Konami doesn't forget Murayama's vision of the series.
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Obama could use some pointers from Metal Wolf Chaos

What's a president to do when he finds his soldiers are in trouble? Send in reinforcements you say? Well, in Metal Wolf Chaos, the president is all the reinforcement we need. And the reason is: HE IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!

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Left 4 Dead with 11 other survivors makes for a bloody good time.

I still have about 10 achievements left to get on L4D. One of them being the "Beat one campaign on expert" achievement and another being the "Zombie Genocidiest". Lucky for PC users, there's a way to get the former rather easily. Albeit through a whole lotta hoop-jumping with modding. But in the end, engaging in a 12-person zombie massacre is enough reason to jump through them hoops.



I just wish there were some DLC that would allow this on the Xbox360 version, since that's where I primarily play this
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